What a difference a week makes. I’m gonna be up front and straight to the point. Ya girl is going through some shit, and until I can get an understanding of my thoughts and what I’m feeling the next few newsletters will be paid. I decided to write a series because I have to keep my thoughts, or what I know of them, organized somehow. In honor of my 40th birthday, I decided to give a 40% discount on all paid tiers. This particular series will help me sift through lessons I learned, what I don’t want, what I do want, and what I’m no longer willing to accept.
If you can’t afford a subscription, you can always help me celebrate with a one-time donation.
Read Part 1
If you asked me how many times I swiped left, I would say too many to count. You would think living in California garners a “one-up” on beautiful people. Living in San Diego, I was matched more with men who weren’t born here but now live here. I’m reminded that the Souf still has something to say because most of the out-of-towners were from the South. I also widened my net and opened it up to Los Angeles, and I can humbly say that most of what I was attracted to was from LA. It’s an aesthetic that I can’t put my finger on, but they were all the same but different.
But after one quick text convo, their attraction turned ugly. For example, one man told me that he was drying his sheets and that it should be done in a minute. I asked him how any of that was my business, and he said that he wanted me to spend the night, have sex, wake up the next morning, he buys me coffee, and drops me off back home.
Another one said that he made music. I asked him to send me something, but it was trash. Who am I to block a dream? He didn’t know a thing about me, and he was claiming me as his woman. No conversation, no interests, felt like he didn’t try hard, but wanted a relationship and sex.
And we can’t forget about the jailbirds now; over the years, they’ve gotten clever. They can swap out a jailhouse rock shirt with a casual one and take a picture outside pretending to enjoy the weather. One guy was interested in my advocacy work and wanted to learn how to open up a clinic. I don’t know why he thought I would know, but after a while, I started asking questions, and it was revealed that he was in jail. He even said he loved fitness and worked at 24hr Fitness, which is probably all his free time, so I can see him working out for 24 hours.
The deeper the swiping went, the more I saw the weed heads, dirty fingernails, yellow eyes, crusty faces, razor bumps, and hard-stomach men commenting on my photos to call them sometime. I understand that everyone needs love, but I don’t need it that bad to be with someone I’m not physically attracted to and who smells like Hennessy and black and milds.
A photographer from Florida was in town to take some professional pictures of an NFL player he thought I would be impressed with, so I didn’t ask who or where. He immediately asked for pictures and wanted to have sex with me that Sunday, although he flew in on Friday.
Google It
My saving grace was having a Google number. I didn’t feel obligated to give out my real number because I don’t know who these people are or what they’re capable of, so Google Voice it was. After feeling comfortable, I would then migrate them to my real phone number. I wish I knew the ratio, but only two graduated to my real number one. I cried the snot bubbles for one, and the other who told me I wasn’t a Raider fan after I told him I was; then he asked for a picture.
The experience revealed that there are a lot of young men who want to be with older women, and any range from 26-36 was the sweet spot when it came to attractiveness, with the reasoning being the “young ones play too many games,” which is the same speech I heard when young and being pursued by older men the “older women don’t know what they want.” Different times, same messaging, and nothing has improved or changed.
The moral of the story is that the pickings are slim and most men who join “dating apps” use the time to pass the time with no intentions of anything long-term, and have a dry spell and need a quick fix. Women who allow these men to jump their bones grow tf up because now I have to run into these men.
START SAYING NO
To be continued……